Here In The Beer World
by theguywhohasaname
Summary: Duo and Heero, in an unlikely way, discover their true feelings for each other... And Duo's parents go psycho and try to stop their wedding and take over Cleveland.
1. Er... The First Chapter... Yeah!

Ah, how very interesting this is... Hm, hm, hm, hm, hm... Well, I suppose that I should have done this a while ago, but for some reason all I have written since 'it' is parodies. I think that now I shall focus on creating something else. I shall begin writing now, I suppose, since I have nothing more that I can think of to say....  
  
Heero sighed as he pushed open the front door of the apartment he and Duo shared. "Damn it." Heero thought out loud as he lay his jacket on the arm of the couch beside the door. Duo walked into the room. "What's wrong?" Heero jumped, not expecting the braided pilot to be home yet. "Duo, I thought you were supposed to be at work?" Duo shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, well, a man of my importance can skip work any time he pleases." "So you conned someone into taking your shift for you." "Yup." Duo walked from the living room to the kitchen, where he began to combine some ingredients which made Heero's stomache churn upon seeing. "Duo, how can you stand to eat things like that?" Duo shrugged his shoulders and took a bite out of his concoction. "Want some?" He asked once he had swallowed the mouthful of what very much appeaed to be toxic waste. "... No thanks. I'll just have a nice, safe sandwich." Heero replied, reaching for the bread.  
  
"Wimp." Duo said, with a sudden urge to get Heero to have at least one little bite. "The perfect soldier is afraid to try some food just because it looks a little different." Heero raised his eyebrows. "Duo, have you ever watched 'The Drew Carey Show?'" Duo nodded his head. "Remember Mimi?" Duo nodded his head again. "Well, your food looks just like what's on her face." Duo took a close look at what he had made. "It does not. Maybe after she takes it off, but she probably couldn't manage to get all of that makeup off with a roll of barbed wire and her own personal car wash." After a few more 'encouraging words' from Duo, Heero finally took a bite of the glop he had created, and ran for the sink, where his lunch embarked on an adventure through the connected pipes.  
  
"Duo... You don't have any taste buds, do you?" Duo nodded his head. "Yeah, but you don't look like you have too many, anymore." Heero wiped his mouth and turned towards Duo, who was sitting next to the sink. "That is why I never listen to you." Heero muttered. "Well, if you're going to ignore me, I might as well invite Relena over..." Duo grinned as Heero grabbed his arm. "You only threaten to invite Relena over when you want something. What is it?" Duos grin widened. "Heero, I'm shocked! You think I want something every time I simply want to invite our dear friend Relena over for a pleasant chat?" "Yes. What do you want?"  
  
The grin that Duo wore widened even more, much to Heero's fear. "It's simple. Everyone thinks my parents are dead or something, but ... They're still alive. I just never talk about them because I really hate them. A lot. Unfortunately they called me yesterday and... Um... Promise you wont kill me, and I'll tell you the rest." Heero glared at Duo for a few moments, then sighed, giving in. "Alright. Fine." Duo nodded his head. "Okay. They're kinda homophobic, and so when they said they wanted to go out to dinner with me tonight, I said okay, and that I would bring my boyfriend, this guy I met named Heero..." Duo grinned. "You told them I'm your bo... Your... WHAT?!"  
  
"Remember, you said you wouldn't kill me!" Duo shouted as he jumped over the kitchen counter to hide. "You never said I couldn't maim, decapitate, para..." "I get the point, already! Heero, come on, just do this one little itty bitty thing for me... Please? I'll never ask you to pretend to be gay ever again! I promise!" Heero continued glaring at Duo in an odd fashion, but eventually calmed down. "If I'm going to do that for you, you have to do something for me." Duo stood up and slowly made his way around the counter back into the kitchen. "What?" Duo asked. "I'll tell you later. After it's too late for you to refuse." Duo was about to complain, but Heero glared at him once more. "If I have to do this, you have to do what I want you to do."  
  
Later that night, Duo was pacing in front of the tv. "Whatever he wants, it's gotta be bad... On the other hand, I'm benefitted twice... I get to get rid of my parents, and I get to... Don't get ahead of yourself, Duo. You might not get to even do so much as hug him... He's smart, he could easily just say we had a fight or something and use that as an excuse not to touch me... If he wanted to... Of course he wants to! Why would he like you like that? Exactly, there's no reason he would. Mr. Perfect Soldier, gay? Yeah right. But... There's always a chance... I mean, Relena's rich, and I... I am NOT going to say she's good looking, but hey, she's rich. But he doesn't give in to her, even though she hangs around like some kinda lovesick puppy... Dammit, Duo, he doesn't like you like that! Now c'mon, think up some way to get around whatever he has planned..."  
  
Not too long after Duo had stopped talking, Heero entered the room. "Well... Ready?" Duo gulped nervously, glanced at Heero's tux, and then decided to at least hide his fear from everyone else if he couldn't completely eradicate it. "The perfect soldier in a tux... Thought that was a one-time thing, back at that school. I wish I had a camera, though. I've almost never seen you wear anything but spandex." Heero eplied with a "hn" and gestured towards the door. "Right... Let's go." Duo said as he began walking towards the door, followed closely by Heero, who had an oddly happy look on his face.  
  
At the fancy shmancy lil' french restaurant...  
  
"Weewee?" The waiter asked. "Uh... No thanks, just water..." Duo's mother said with a questioning glance. "Aw, c'mon, don't tense up, Ima. I don't see how you could have missed it... He was obviously joking." Uno reassured her. "It was not a joking tone, it was a nervous tone. He's gay!" Uno sighed and shook his head. "You know how teenagers are... Always playing pranks on everyone, especially their parents. Watch, you'll see, he'll walk in the door any second now with a lovely young woman at his side. You'll see." Ima huffed and looked around. "You'd better be right."  
  
Just then, a braid caught her eye, and she strained her eyes to see who it was. The braided person's back was turned to Ima, but Ima could clearly see that it was a woman that was standing off to the left. "Oh, Uno, you were right! I'm so relieved..." And then a hand tapped her shoulder, and she turned to see Duo, with Heero right beside him. She turned back to face the braided person, and saw that it had been a waiter. "Oh... Uno... Quick, my pills!" Uno muttered something as he dug through Ima's purse for a xanax, and he handed her a milligram. "No, no, it'll take at least 1.5!" She said, and he broke another in half and handed half of it to her.  
  
She quickly popped the pills into her mouth and grabbed the glass of water as the waiter neared their table, using the water to wash down the xanax. "Wow. They got ya on drugs, huh, mom?" Ima just sat their, huffing, out of breath, while Uno glared at Duo. "Why did you have to do this to your mother? I mean, a joke is only funny so long, Duo!" Duo shrugged. "This isn't a joke." Uno intensified his glare. "Duo, tell your mother the truth. Look at what this has done to her already! Stop kidding around and tell her!" Duo raised an eyebrow. "I guess there's only one thing I can do, then, huh..." Uno nodded his head. "Good to see you've come to your senses... Now, go get your girlfriend and bring her over here to introduce to your mo-" Uno was cut off as Duo turned and frenched Heero.  
  
Ima started to turn around to see why Uno had stopped talking, but he shook his head and covered her eyes with a hand. "What? What is it, Uno? What's going on??" She asked. "Nothing, nothing dear, don't look!" Duo pulled away from Heero, and grinned at his father. "See? No joke." Heero managed to look happy, more easily than would have been expected. "Uh... Uh... Just, just sit down... The waiter will be back in a moment..." Uno muttered, and removed his hand from Ima's eyes. Ima glanced almost feafully back and forth from Uno to Duo. "What HAPPENED?" She asked.  
  
"Um... Nothing... Duo just... Oh, look over there dear, it's Tom Cruise!" Ima quickly turned to follow her husband's pointing finger, but did not see Tom anywhere. "Tom isn't over there..." Uno nodded his head. "Yes, I know, that's because he's over there!" Uno pointed off in the opposite direction. "Oh, my, he's so fast..." She commented. "But he's not there either..." Uno nodded his head. "Yes, he's very fast, perhaps you'd better go search for him." Ima nodded her head and wandered off to search for the movie star.  
  
"Duo..." Uno began, with a stern look on his face. "Are you really..." Duo sighed and nodded his head. "YES! I already told you, you even saw me kiss Heero, why wont you believe me?" Heero figured he should do something, so he slid his hand over and held Duo's, as a display of attempt at comforting him for Duo's father. "But... It's wrong! Why couldn't you have just been normal, and gotten a girlfriend, and done all the other things we wanted you to have! You would be much happier that way! Why... HIM? Why'd you have to go and disappoint your mother like this?" Duo glared at Uno, and somehow resisted the urge to shout at him, or do physical harm to him.  
  
"That's enough." Heero said, standing up. "What?! You don't talk to me like that, young man. You... You've corrupted my son! I-" He quickly shut up as Heero reached into his pocket. "I didn't expect to have to do this here..." Uno's eyes widened, thinking that Heero was pulling out the gun Duo had warned him he would have. Then, when Heero did pull the object out, Uno and Duo both stared at it in confusement. "Duo... You agreed that you would do whatever it was I wanted you to do after this was all over... So here it is."  
  
Should I leave off here? Maybe wait a while for the next chapter? Or should I write a little more now? Um... Since you probably already know what Heero's got... Aw, hell, I'll write more now...  
  
Heero turned to face Duo, and held up the object. He got to his knees, opened the ring box, and made eye contact with the braided pilot. "Duo... Marry me?" And then Uno fainted, and Duo nearly did the same thing. "Y-you... Actually... You..." Duo attempted to make his tongue work. "Love you? Yeah." Heero replied. "I... Uh.. Yeah... I will..." Duo finally managed, and then Heero stood up and hugged him. "DAMMIT! I can't find Tom anywhere! TOM! WHERE ARE YOU? COME OUT!" Ima was heard shouting from within the kitchen...  
  
To be continued... 


	2. One Assassin, Two Assassin, Three- Oops,...

And here's chapter two of Beer World....  
  
"Ima?" There was silence for a moment, before Ima answered Uno. "Yes?" "We have to do something about that Heero boy..." Ima nodded her head. "... You know... I remember hearing about an assassin a while back that could..." Ima rolled over to face Uno in their bed. "You want to hire an assassin to take him out?" "Only if you approve, dear." Ima thought it over for a moment. "Sounds like a good idea to me."  
  
***  
  
"What is it?" The voice on the other end of the line asked coldly. "We have some work for you, Adamma." "Who's the target, and what's the pay?" Uno grinned and gave his reply. "... I can't turn down a job for that much. When do you want it done?" "Tomorrow, if at all possible." Adamma continued sharpening her knife. "It will be done by Midnight tomorrow."  
  
***  
  
"Heero! Why couldn't ya have done something like that before now? I've spent every second I've known you wondering and hoping, and it turns out you feel the same way. Why didn't you say something earlier?" Heero shrugged his shoulders. "Why didn't you?" Duo blinked. "Well... Uh... Because I'm a coward?" Heero smirked. "Well, come over here and hide under the covers with me, then." Duo grinned, quickly stripped (down to a pair of Shinigami boxers, at least), and dove into bed (literally). "I'm still a bit worried about my parents, though. My dad is a weird guy, and he's been behind a few political assassinations and all, so... Uh..." Heero stared at Duo. "He's been behind political assassinations??" Duo shrugged and nodded. "Yeah. So... Anyways... He had one of those weird looks on his face when he left. I wouldn't be suprised if he at least stalked us or something."  
  
*** @_@ Too much zipping from one scene to another... Getting... Dizzy... ***  
  
"This looks like the place. Might as well watch them until it's time to strike, I might pick up something that wil help get the job done easier. Not that it'll be hard..." Adamma focused on one particular window of the house that she had seen some shadows move across. After a while, Duo stepped into her view. "That's supposed to be their son... Which means that my target is the other one."  
  
*** . 


End file.
